Rain
by steffiechan
Summary: Kagome wanders through the rain contemplating her feelings for Inu Yasha. To what conclusion will she come? Rated for a few choice words. Don't forget to RR!
1. Default Chapter

Hello everyone. This little fic just sort of popped into my head, so I'm going to post it. It's my first Inu Yasha fic, so please be kind.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha, or any characters in the manga/anime. They belong to Takashi Rumiko, and since I'm not getting any money out of this, don't sue.  
  
Rain  
  
Kagome stared at the ceiling of Kaede-baba's hut. The group was camped at the village for the night, since Kagome had gotten back later than usual and it was no use starting off in the evening. Kagome looked around at her friends as they settled down for the evening.  
Sango was curling up by the fire, Kirara and Shippo between her and the hentai monk. Kagome snorted. The two demons were probably not enough to deter Miroku's wandering hands.  
Kaede-baba was already asleep on her futon, having excused herself early, saying that at her age, and in these times, she needed all the rest she could get. Her even breathing was enough to lull even Kagome's restless mind.  
Why was her mind restless? It had to do with the last member of the party. The one that was missing. Inu Yasha. In an extremely bad mood because she had come back late and made them waste another night, he had stomped off to spend the night in the god tree. Kagome sat in the doorway of the hut, staring out in the direction she knew the hanyou was.  
Why does he always get so angry? It's not like he cares if I'm here or not, she thought. Then she sighed. He probably wanted to get his hands on the jewel more than ever now that Kikyo was back in the picture.  
Kikyo. Inu Yasha's old girlfriend, and bane of Kagome's existence. Despite the fact that she had trapped him with a spell for fifty years, and that she refused to let go of her need to take him to hell with her, whenever there was even the tiniest hint of a rumor of her, he ran off like. well, like a lost little puppy.  
I should go home. Then, he could just have Kikyo find the jewel and wish himself human. She stopped at that. Why should he have to change? In her mind, if you loved someone, you loved them for who and what they already were, not what they could potentially become. So, did that mean that Kikyo didn't love Inu Yasha as much as they both thought she did? Maybe she just wanted to make it easier for people to accept that she was with him if he was human.  
Kagome stood up. She was so restless, she needed to get rid of some of her energy. Grabbing her bow and quiver of arrows, she walked out into the night. See Inu Yasha? I'm not stupid enough to walk around with no protection..not that you see it as me you're protecting. Do you see Kikyo behind you when you slay demons? Is it her firing arrows at your side? When you look down on me from your high branch, is it her face smiling back at you? She wondered as she left the hut.  
Before she realized what she was doing, she started out in the direction of the god tree. Shaking her head, she turned away and walked in the other direction for awhile, thoughts whizzing around in her head.  
What, exactly, was she doing here? She was carrying around a bow and arrows! She knew how to use them, and when she shot them, they purified whatever they touched! No normal girl did that. No normal girl went back in time to fight demons along-side a half demon, demon huntress and perverted monk with a void in his hand. They also didn't have a long list of fake illnesses to excuse their absence from the time they belonged in.  
.where I belong. Where do I belong? There? Here? Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere at all. Home feels so strange to me now. Sota is growing up, and every time I see him I feel like I've missed something important. Moma and grandpa are kind and loving as ever, but. I can see it in their eyes. It's just a flicker, but it's there. They see me becoming a stranger to them, and they aren't doing anything to stop it. Would I let them?  
Tears streamed from her eyes, ignored. Was there no place she could call home anymore?  
Kagome realized that she had started running. She had long since failed to notice where she was. Looking neither left, right, nor straight ahead, she shut her eyes and ran faster. She concentrated on running, trying to outrun all the clutter in her head.  
Time passed. She was in shape from all the walking and fighting. She felt like she could run forever. Her feet thudded dully against the ground, the wind whipped through her hair and pulled at her clothes, tugging the bow and quiver out behind her. A cold breeze caressed her face gently, carrying a promise of something she couldn't hear.  
  
She ran still faster.  
  
Thunder rumbled angrily in the sky, and streaks of lightening lightened the darkness behind her closed eyes for brief moments. She slowed slightly as it started to rain.  
What am I doing? I'm running through an ancient forest with my eyes closed, crying like a maniac. And for what? For the love of a half demon that keeps me around because I look like someone that fucked him over? Because I can help him find what will let him be with her?  
She skidded to a halt. Tears of anger and hurt flowed down her cheeks. It began to drizzle, the cold rain mixing with the salt of her tears.  
Was that the only reason he kept her around? He had said so before, but she hadn't thought he'd meant it. But what was keeping him from speaking his mind? He seemed able to tell Kikyo how he felt, so why should she be different? Why should she think that he had been lying to cover his feelings for her?  
"Damn him! Fuck him! Fuck her! If they want to be together, fine! But they can't expect me to help them anymore!" She yelled. The sky boomed as if in agreement. Lightening flashed and she saw the god tree in the distance. Inu Yasha was not in it's branches.  
He must have gone off to be with her. He's done it before. One of her soul-stealers must have wafted by, and he followed it.  
She drew her bow and nocked an arrow, aiming at the spot the hanyo had been pinned to. Letting the arrow fly, there was a satisfying thunk as the arrow sunk into the wood.  
Would I shoot him if he were in front of me? Kagome thought, fitting another arrow to the bow. Her hands shook at the thought. Thunder was starting to boom more insistently now, and it started to rain in earnest. Kagome took no notice. She let the arrow fly finally, hearing another dull thud as it found it's mark.  
No, I wouldn't shoot him. He could be tearing me apart, but I wouldn't shoot him. At least if he was doing that, I'd know where I stand.  
Letting out a frustrated yell, she shot two more arrows at the tree. It was pouring now, and she could no longer see the tree. The arrows seemed to know where they were going, as she heard them sink into the ancient tree.  
She wanted to scream out all of her frustration, but dared not. She didn't want to disturb her sleeping friends. There was no need for them to come to her, they wouldn't understand. How could they? They lived in this time, and no other. They had their own problems to deal with anyway.  
She shot more arrows, listening each time to make sure it had hit it's target. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her.  
I should take the prayer beads off of him. He's not a pet or something. It's not my place to police his actions. In that way, I'm no better than her. I punish him when I don't get my way. No, it's not pinning him to a tree, or trying to take him to hell, but.. It's still there.  
"Is it dead yet?"  
She whirled around at the sound of his voice. She hadn't heard him walk up behind her, and she had no idea how long he'd been standing there.  
"What?"  
"You've been shooting that poor tree for quite some time. I asked if it was dead yet."  
It felt like he was asking if she'd shot him to death.  
"No. It's not dead yet." My love for you isn't dead yet.  
"It's raining. Was it so important for you to shoot that tree right now? You'll get ill."  
"I don't care." I wasn't trying to shoot you. I was trying to.  
"Why the hell not? Do you want to die?"  
Do I want to die?  
"Yes."  
The answer had come out before she even thought the answer. She heard him gasp. Why so shocked? It's not like..  
Strong arms pulled her close, nearly crushing her. Hands on her back, smoothing her hair, easing the tension from her shoulders.  
"Would. would that be so bad?" Would it be so bad for me to get out of your way?  
"Kagome! Don't ever, ever talk about leaving me. Never say that." Anger in his voice. And. fear?  
If only for a little while, I'll stay. Because, he feels like.  
"Inu yasha."  
"What is it Kagome?" Trying to pull away, to search her face. She won't let him. She can't let go. Not now, not when she's finally realized.  
"You feel like home."  
  
Steffie: *wails, reaches for Kleenex*  
*sniffle*  
So. I think this is a cute little fic. I'm contemplating doing one from dog-boy's POV, but. well. Let's see how this goes over, shall we? 


	2. rain, part 2

Ohayo mina-san! Thanks to all the people that have reviewed already! *glomps various reviewers*  
  
For this part, it's going to be Inu Yasha's POV, starting at roughly the same time as the other one.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the idea. All characters and such belong to someone with much more money than me. *sob*  
  
Rain : Inu Yasha's turn  
  
Inu Yasha stared at the evening sky. Kagome had come back much too late to start off for the next shard. Irritated, he had thrown a fit and stormed off, leaving the others at Kaede-baba's hut for the night. He sniffed the night air. It smelled like it might rain.  
Feh. I'll go in once it starts raining. By then, they'll all be asleep and I can leave before they all wake up, he thought.  
Why was he always so annoyed? Because she had come back late. No, he had been upset before that. He had been upset the moment she had suggested going back to her time.  
The hanyo shifted on his branch, trying to get comfortable. Why did he have to think about these things now? He wanted to sleep so that he could get a good start tomorrow and find the shard quickly.  
Well, I at least know one thing. I won't be sleeping much tonight.  
He hopped down to the ground and began to pace. Why did she always have to leave? How could it be that she didn't know how cruel "goodbye" sounded? All he wanted was for her to stay with him, and help him gather the shards.  
But. once the Shikon no Tama was whole again, would he really use it to become a full demon? Was that what he wanted anymore? Kikyo had wanted him to become human and stay with her. He had agreed, but had a nagging doubt in his head. Why should he change? Wasn't he good enough as he was? He had no hope of getting this question answered.  
Kagome had never mentioned using the jewel to make him human. She seemed to like him just the way he was, even though he had dog* ears, claws and amber eyes. Even though he was rude and mean to her and ran off to see Kikyo.  
Kikyo.  
She was alive. Well. sort of. An ogress had made her a body of bone and earth and put her soul into it. However, doing so had left Kagome without a spirit. Inu Yasha recalled that incident, and found that he had been angry with himself for helping to rip Kagome's soul away.  
Why was I so angry? I love Kikyo, and I was so surprised to see her again. And yet. I wasn't happy. How could I be? She had a sham body and a stolen soul to move it with. Yes, I see now that it was stolen. The moment the soul became Kagome's, it changed. It no longer really belongs to Kikyo at all. What's walking around is a memory of the woman that I once new. The woman that loved me.  
She had loved him. She had been willing to give up everything to be with him. But she had asked him to change. She had asked him to stop being himself and be someone that she wanted to be with. Why hadn't he been good enough? Had she truly loved him at all, or had she seen him as a way to rid herself of the Shikon no Tama?  
I'm going in circles.  
He stopped and found that he had, quite literally, been going in circles. He could see the path he had tramped in the grass.  
Abruptly, he turned towards the hut the group was staying at and made for it. Upon reaching it, he peered in cautiously, not wanting to wake its inhabitants. Sango was sprawled next to Kirara and Shippo. Miroku was turning restlessly on his bit of floor. He could have been imagining it, but with every squirm, the monk seemed a little closer to Sango. Kaede- baba was sleeping soundly on the only futon in the house.  
Where's Kagome?  
He looked around for the girl, but saw no sign of her. He also noted that her bow and arrows were gone. At the very least, she had thought to arm herself before walking around alone in the dark at night. Inu Yasha growled softly. What was she thinking? What could possibly be so important that she had to walk around right now with no protection? Why did he care?  
Sniffing the air, he caught her scent and followed. He caught sight of her in the forest, running. To him she looked like an Amazon queen - her dark hair flowing out behind her, the wind playing with her clothes and lifting the quiver on her back. Mesmerized by the image, he decided not to disturb her.  
She's so much more than Kikyo ever was. Kikyo was stiff and distant, even when we had a private moment. Kagome is warm, caring, beautiful and free. I know she'd never believe it if I told her I thought so. She thinks I'm too mean. It's not like I give her reason to think otherwise. I know she doesn't know how I feel, I never tell her. I can't let her know. I can't loose her like I did Kikyo.  
Below him, Kagome had come to a halt. He noticed that, not only were they back at the god tree, but she was standing in the middle of the circle he had created with his own pacing not too long ago. He could see her mouth moving, but whatever she said was drowned in a blast of thunder. It was raining lightly, and he was just about to call to her to go to Kaede-baba's hut when she strung an arrow in her bow. Surprised, he saw her loose the arrow and hit the spot Kikyo had fifty years ago.  
Thunder boomed as she fitted another arrow to her bow, yelling like the Amazon he had thought her earlier. It seemed to him as if she were trying to pin him to the tree all over again. He noticed that her hands were shaking, but that didn't seem to affect her aim as the next arrow found it's mark next to the first.  
What is keeping me rooted to this spot? She's in so much pain.  
Eyes wide with shock, he realized what he had been about to think next. "All I want is to comfort her, be with her for the rest of my life." It took him a moment to realize that he'd murmured it out loud to himself.  
It was now raining very hard, and Inu Yasha was sure that she could no longer see the tree. She continued to fire nonetheless, still hitting the tree accurately.  
He leapt down from the tree and stood behind her. She didn't seem to notice.  
"Is it dead yet?" he asked, though he seemed to be asking "Am I dead yet?"  
She whirled around. He was struck by the tragedy on her face, and the fact that it made her even more beautiful.  
"What?"  
"You've been shooting that poor tree for quite some time. I asked if it was dead yet." Here it comes. She'll say yes, and she'll have killed any kind thoughts for me she had.  
Her answer came, soft and sweet to him over the din of the storm.  
"No. It's not dead yet."  
"It's raining. Was it so important for you to shoot that tree right now? You'll get ill." Baka! Of course she knows it's raining! She obviously couldn't wait to get you out of her head. It's good that she doesn't know you love her.  
"I don't care."  
"Why the hell not? Do you want to die?" His heart ached at the sudden image of her, cold and blue against a funeral pyre in the village.  
"Yes."  
Before he could stop himself he gasped. How had he never noticed how sad she was? How had he missed her sinking into despair? He grabbed her and pulled her close, trying to crush her pain into himself. He smoothed her soaking hair, and rubbed the tension in her shoulders.  
"Would. would that be so bad?"  
What a question! He would die a hundred thousand times not to have heard her last few words. He never wanted her to go, ever. He needed her. Every time she left, every part of him cried out for her smile. Angry with himself for keeping his love to himself, he half scolded her.  
"Kagome! Don't ever, ever talk about leaving me. Never say that."  
How he feared that! He was always afraid that one of these days, one of these battles, she wouldn't be walking out of it with him.  
"Inu Yasha."  
"What is it Kagome?"  
He tried to pull away. He wanted to show her his love, to see her pain and face his mistake. She wouldn't let go. He had to tell her he was sorry. Love makes promises you have to keep, and he hadn't been keeping his.  
  
"You feel like home."  
  
Steffie: Ano. it's not as sad as the last one, I think. However, I like it just as well. Epilogue, anyone? 


	3. Epilogue

Yes, it's me again. I've decided to write an epilogue. See that? It only takes one person to make a difference. So there.  
  
Note: Last time, there was a star (*) next to where Inu Yasha comments on his ears. It's because I was going to say that they look more like kitty ears to me, but I forgot. Eh.  
  
Inu Yasha: They look like dog ears, baka! *bonk* Steffie: Inu Yasha-kun is mean to me! Waah~  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own Inu Yasha or associated characters. Damn.  
  
"stuff " = spoken 'stuff' = thought (since italics doesn't seem to work here)  
  
Epilogue  
  
The words seemed to dance rings around his head. He felt like home? But that meant that she had forgiven all his mistakes. All the times he'd screamed at her to cover up how he felt, so that she would never know and break his heart.  
It meant that she loved him.  
"Kagome... I'm sorry."  
  
She stared up at him in surprise. Why was he sorry? Was this his way of telling her that he had finally chosen Kikyo over him once and for all?  
"Wait. Before you say what I know is coming, I want to have my say first."  
She took a deep breath. She had to tell him now, or she never would. If it stayed inside, it would eat away at her. 'I don't care if I feel at home with him. You can't always go home.. You can't always be warm inside.'  
She pulled away from him, rain soaking through her shirt and plastering her skirt to her legs. Suddenly, it all seemed much too heavy for her and she sat down heavily in the mud. She heard him take a step toward her, but shook her head. She didn't want his comfort if it was empty.  
"I love you, Inu Yasha. I love you for who and what you are. In all this mess, the only time I feel like I have somewhere I belong is when I'm in your arms. But. I know I can't have that. It's not mine and that... that's ok. I can't live with that, but it doesn't matter."  
She was going to start rambling, she knew it. 'I don't care! This isn't some last effort to get him to love me. This is me saying... I'm saying goodbye.'  
"If you want Kikyo, fine. I can't make you love me. I know it doesn't work that way. But, I won't help you find the shards anymore. I won't help you be with her, it's stupid. I know if I tried I wouldn't be able to give you up in the end. I wouldn't be able to hand over the Shikon no Tama so that you could change."  
Panting, she put her hands on the ground. Mud squelched between her fingers. Her arms shook and her whole body trembled.  
  
Inu Yasha stared at her, his heart breaking. She thought he loved Kikyo? 'I've broken her... she was willing to give herself to me and all I did was tear her apart.'  
"Kagome, listen to me. The Kikyo that I loved is gone. As soon as you were born, she ceased to be altogether. You are a completely different person. What's walking around now is a memory of what she was.. no, it's not even really that. It's a memory of her last thoughts of me. How could I love that? Yes, I ran to her. I was so scared of loosing what I thought was the love of my life again that I ran to something that wasn't even her."  
He knelt beside her and tried to take her into his arms. She shoved him away and sat in the mud, staring at him. What must she think of him now? He sat in front of her feeling himself sink into the mud. The only thing to do now was continue.  
"But, slowly, I began to realize that maybe she hadn't love me, really. She had seen someone that she could use, someone that could rid her of her burden. I don't know if she meant it that way at the time or not, but that's how it was. Kagome, I don't love her anymore."  
  
What was he saying?  
"Why tell me all of this now? What's changed that you have to say these things to me?"  
She tried to search his face, but the rain made it hard. He didn't love Kikyo? Then why bother with the Shikon no Tama at all?  
  
"Because suddenly your love is too much to lose. I thought that if I didn't tell you how I felt, I wouldn't get hurt in the end. Gathering the shards.. I want to continue, but I don't want it anymore. If Naraku gets it, he may try to hurt you, or make me hurt you.."  
  
"I'm not Kikyo! I love you enough to know the difference between a demon that can change his shape and you!"  
She was screaming. She was on her feet again, yelling at him over cracks of thunder.  
  
Inu Yasha slowly got to his feet. He knew she wasn't Kikyo. She was nothing like her and that was one of the things he loved about her. He was shocked by her words. Kikyo hadn't known the difference between him and Naraku, but she did.  
"Kagome.. I love you."  
  
It was all she could do to remain standing. The words had pierced her like an arrow. He loved her? He had kept it from her for fear of a broken heart? She took a step towards him, searching for the truth in his face.  
  
He opened his arms to her. For a moment, he was afraid she was going to deny him. Then she was running, she was his Amazon again, and she flew into his arms.  
"Welcome home, Kagome."  
  
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Steffie: I need tissues! 


End file.
